For once I’m taking a few drafts before publishing a blog post. I wrote this in kind of a fury last night and realized it is simultaneously too long and lacking context.
Today, I am writing from the edge of Denali National Park, at the raft guide camp I’ve been at for a few days. This is coming up on a week after my arrival in Alaska, the completion of a “50 state project” that I began accidentally in childhood. It was a big deal for me to visit all fifty states, but in the greater context of my life, there was a lot more to this trip than just completing that checklist. This trip, this particular trip at this moment, was very much a midlife crisis. It was a classic road trip novel, a quest to answer questions I had not been able to clearly articulate. And I got the answers I was seeking.
There’s a funny thing sometimes about enlightenment. Usually, when you discover a deep truth, you can dig back through memories to find a time that someone had told you that truth and you just weren’t ready to hear it. And I realized in the past few days that some of the lessons of this trip are things that my father had understood in childhood, but never knew how to explain to me. I feel that it’s not just my journey but also his; that I have completed something that he started, and uncovered a hidden aspect of his legacy.
Anyway, I arrived in Alaska and shortly began to feel a sense of arrival at home. Not right away. My first few days in this land were actually not that great. I was deeply frustrated, in fact. But, it did click further as I got deeper into the state, and by the time I was driving the actual park road in Denali National Park, it hit me hard. That this place is special not just on its own merits but to me. This place contains the answers to my deepest, oldest questions. This place is kind of what I’ve been looking for all along. And yet… so is West Virginia. This is even more, but the basics are there too.
This is a place where there are fewer people and more mountains and trees. And it turns out that such an environment enables people to be better to each other.
Ultimately, it didn’t take me long at all to feel that this is home. And that I must stay. So, I did kind of announce that in a few places.
Now, though, it’s time to be careful and considered, and methodical. I got really excited at the prospects before me – of it all seeming to come together to an even greater degree than WV. I started to see WV as the compromise because at that moment I was on a leash to New York that kept Alaska out of reach, and now that leash is broken. I do need to build my future here. Yet, I still don’t see myself as a man of one place. I will be back and forth. I will be both an Alaskan and a West Virginian, though an immigrant to both.
So here’s what’s next. I will be moving to Alaska, and it will become my primary home base. I will be buying a lot of land and building a compound based around the premise of intentional community. There will be room for others, maybe just my family but maybe, hopefully, more. It is the exact same vision as Jackson Acres in Bruceton Mills, but bigger, more ambitious, and in my mind actually more realistic for reasons I don’t really expect most people to understand.
Simultaneously, there are other life changes. I need to let go of social media altogether and that is really hard for me. It is like quitting smoking or leaving a toxic relationship. It’s not something that I can expect to just accomplish instantly. It’s going to take me time and work and there is a kind of transition to something else. But it does have to happen.
At this point, though, I need to slow down and not be reckless. I do need to be financially wise and the harsh reality is that I can’t really afford to do the whole thing the way I want to at this precise moment. I want a large piece of land. I don’t have the cash for it, and I’m not situated to get a loan. So it has to wait. There are a few pathways to get there. There are also alternative approaches, like just getting a minimalist rental to get through the winter. But, that means neglecting obligations back east, and spending more money than I have.
Essentially, I have two main options right now. I can try to stay right away, and put myself in a situation where money will be pretty tight. Or, I can return to my retreat in Bruceton Mills, and use the winter to plan and regroup. I can work on my house there so that it’s ready for my prolonged absence and not something worrisome. I can also refinance it so that it is less of a financial burden. But really, I will be able to accomplish more and be set up for success here more effectively if I take the time to go back to West Virginia, and New York as well, and do what needs to be done, to prepare correctly, to build up resources, to search for the right opportunity, and to come back here on the best possible terms.
Jackson Acres North is absolutely the plan. It’s gonna be epic too. But, it’s not gonna happen right away. The next stage of this journey is to plan, to conserve, and to do it the smart way.
I’m going to stay in Alaska through the end of next week as originally planned, maybe a little longer, and then head back to the lower 48 for the winter. I may even do a European tour next year as there are reasons for that to happen then and not be put off further. But eventually, maybe next summer or maybe even next winter, I will be returning to Alaska to establish roots and to build my future forever home. For now, there’s work to be done back east, and I will do it.
